


All I ever wanted

by Rebekah_Zellers



Category: NCIS
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-14 19:58:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16047497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rebekah_Zellers/pseuds/Rebekah_Zellers
Summary: Ducky & Tony provide emotional support after a case hits too close for Gibbs





	All I ever wanted

There is a certain irony to life; a moment in time when the world as you know it shifts and everything that you thought you understood and knew isn't what it actually appeared to be.

 

"All I ever wanted to be was a good Marine," Gibbs swallowed convulsively as he stared at empty space on the wall in front of him. "A husband and a good father. The only thing I have accomplished is being a good investigator. . The rest, I failed at. Can't even claim to be a good agent."

 

"Jethro," Ducky put a calming hand on his friend's back. "You have not failed at all. My dear boy, I would say that you have excelled at each and every one of those tasks."

 

"Have I?" Gibbs turned to his old friend with tears in his eyes. "Kate's dead, Mike's dead, Paula's dead. Ziva ran off; Delilah is confined to a wheelchair. I've been through four wives and my daughter was murdered. You tell me how that is excelling Ducky."

 

"Jethro," Ducky stood a bit stunned; he had never known his long time friend to become emotional.

 

"Ducky," Tony put a grounding hand on the elderly man's shoulder. "He's going to need some sleep; he's been up for days. Let me work on this while you get ready to take care of the medical."

 

"Go easy with him, Anthony. I am afraid the last time I saw him so distraught; he had lost his memories." Ducky watched Gibbs carefully; he had no idea what had transpired to make the man of steel crack.

 

"I've got this," Tony whispered softly.

 

Gibbs paced the ground in front of him; his body tense. It had been less than a year since Jack's death and as the anniversary of the loss of his beloved Kelly and Shannon approached; the team had been faced with a copy cat murder.

 

"Gibbs," Tony called softly as he moved to catch up with his pacing boss. "Do you want to go get something to eat? I'll buy or better yet, I will cook."

 

"Not hungry," Gibbs growled as he started walking the path that led to the cabin he had built. "Go home, Tony."

 

"Can't do that, Gibbs." Tony stood still; his body language strong and bold. "I have a friend that needs me right now; I owe him."

 

"Owe me?" Gibbs growled as he spun around and stalked towards his younger agent. "What the hell do you owe me? Damn you, DiNozzo take me off that damn pedestal that you have put me on."

 

"This isn't about hero worship, Jethro." Tony was ready for the face off. "Right now, you are emotionally spent. This last case was a copy cat of the murder of your wife and daughter. Yes, I read the whole Gibbs case file; I know all about it. I also know you and I know that the bullet that killed that man came from your sniper rifle. I read that case file too."

 

"You coming to a point, DiNozzo?" Gibbs snapped.

 

"I am," Tony sighed deeply. "You avenged your wife and daughter's deaths. You were the best husband and father you could be in that moment. There was no way that you could have protected them when you were stationed over seas. It was absolutely impossible to do so. You say all that you ever wanted to be was a good Marine. You were the best; hell, you still are. You say you wanted to be a good husband. I talked to Joanna; you were a wonderful husband to Shannon. The other three women were never going to be life long partners; they weren't Shannon. You lost the great love of your life to death; I don't know that you can ever recover from that but you pushed through in their memory."

 

"I should have been here." Gibbs moved to sit on the trunk of a tree that had fallen in the wooded area that they paced. "I should have been here."

 

"Shannon knew what you were when she married you. She fell in love with the Marine; she married the Marine. There was nothing that was a surprise about the deployments and the life. When she took her marriage vows, Gibbs it was to love and honor a Marine; her Marine."

 

"That little girl looked like Kelly," Gibbs sighed as he scrubbed at his face. "Right down to the ribbons in her hair."

 

"Not a coincidence," Tony reminded him. "You were taunted by Edward Jiles; he wanted to hurt you. That man was a former agent; he had a copy of the case file. Gibbs, you have to know down deep that this wasn't your fault. There was no way that you could have known that he would go off the deep end. Your paths never crossed; you didn't even know that he had asked to be on your team. Vance is the one that rejected him; not you."

 

 

"Jethro?" Ducky watched as his friend swayed from exhaustion. "Why don't we get you home?"

 

"Actually," Tony cut in. "Why don't we just walk the trail to the cabin; I think a change of scenery would do some good. We can commune with nature; enjoy some solitude."

 

"You hit your head, DiNozzo?" Gibbs gave a curious look. "You don't like nature and your idea of roughing it is basic cable."

 

"Yeah well," Tony teased softly. "What can I say, I am set in my ways. Cabin, your house or my apartment?"

 

"Game on?" Gibbs asked softly.

 

"Yes," Tony smiled as he watched Ducky's face relax a bit.

 

"You have more take out options," Gibbs scrubbed his hand over his face one last time.

 

"Come on," Tony sighed. "Ducky and I will drive. You're in no shape to be behind the wheel."

 

The ride to Tony's apartment was quiet, Gibbs dozing off as Ducky drove. The elder man took the quiet as time to reflect on everything that he had overheard the two agents talk about.

 

"Something on your mind, Duck?" Gibbs questioned as he looked at his old friend.

 

"Earlier," Ducky paused. "You blamed yourself for the deaths of Paula, Kate and Mike. Jethro, you were not responsible for their deaths. They died doing what they were good at; what they loved. There was no way that you could have known it was going to be their time. Ziva's decision to leave the team wasn't based on anything that you did or didn't do. She was grieving the loss of her father; she went home to carry on where he left off."

 

 

"You're not going to remind me that Mike was dying?" Gibbs questioned.

 

"He was Jethro," Ducky said softly. "You were working on his coffin; you knew the end was near. He went out on his terms; his way. Don't blame yourself for that; he was a fine man and a good agent. So are you, my boy."

 

Tony watched his friend for a moment as the older man did his best to avoid Ducky’s ministrations. With dinner out of the way, the younger man decided that it was the best time to approach his father figure about something that was really bothering him.

 

“Got a minute?” Tony questioned softly as he sat down on the coffee table in front of his boss.

 

“Not going anywhere,” Gibbs grunted; he could see a pained expression on Tony’s face. “What’s on your mind?”

 

“You,” Tony took a deep breath. “I wanted to say thank you for everything.”

“Everything?” Gibbs questioned. “You going somewhere, DiNozzo?”

 

“No,” Tony shook his head with a sad smile. “You have been more of a father to me than my own father. You taught me about life; about being a good agent. When I needed someone to take care of me; you’ve always been here. When I needed to know that someone cared, I had you.”

 

“Tony,” Gibbs paused. “Thank you, son.”

 

“All those things that you said you wanted to be,” Tony paused and watched as Ducky moved to stand beside him. “You are; you just haven’t realized it.”

 

“It’s time for you to rest, Jethro.” Ducky moved in front of Tony and fussed for a few moments while Gibbs really thought about what Tony said. By the time he started processing what was happening, Ducky had him tucked in on the sofa and the lights dimmed. “Sleep, Gunny. You’re with family and we’ll be here when you wake up.” Walking away, Ducky left Tony with their friend.

 

“Sleep Gibbs,” Tony reassured as he put a gentle hand on his mentor’s arm. “I’ll chase the dreams away; just like you do for me.”

 

“How’d you know?” Gibbs gave a curious look.

 

“It’s what you do,” Tony smiled. “Why do you think I show up at your house after a hard case? Sometimes, I just need to be with you. Other times, I know you need to be needed. It’s who you are; it’s what you do. It’s what we love about you.”


End file.
